poison

Why do I have to cut my ties with you
to realize that I don't really need you.
I don't need this poisonous connection
that has ripped through my heart
and spread through my entire body,
shocking me and then leaving me
a motionless creature.

11:11

I wish I may,
I wish I might.
Every single freaking night
I wish upon that sacred minute.
11:11. It's always the same.
I wish for you, love,
to feel the love,
the same love I feel for you.

Chances are you won't
Chances are I won't stop trying.
So 11:11 come again soon
I need to make my wish come true!

The Rollar Coaster of You and Me

When I talk to them about you,
It all seems so clear to me.
I am wasting my time,
I have fallen victim to this love.

But when I talk to you about anything,
My heart pounds and feelings bubble,
threatening to erupt,
Showering the earth with happiness.

And then when I don't talk to you.
I begin to question,
All that I am and all that could have been.
It's a continuous cycle,
a rollar coaster that I can't get off.
No matter how hard I scream

No more

You've never cared about me have you?
You're not sorry that you have taken all that I have
without bothering to give anything in return.
How can someone so small rip such a large
section of my heart away?
You'll never know how much I've hurt.
Because you never cared.
And it's likely that you never will.
I am through giving away free love.
You don't deserve the love I was so willing to share.
No, you don't even deserve to be my friend.
Where did you go?
Where is the boy I used to know?
The one who cared and shared and loved?
This new identity that you have is cold and selfish.
I hate him for taking away the first one that truly mattered to me.
No more.

Can you hear the echos?

You tell me not to worry about not being perfect.
Do you realiz,e though, that you are the problem.
Do you realize that since I'm in love all by myself,
that I wonder what's wrong with me?

I am screaming out to you,
as loud as my lungs will allow.
Can you even hear the echos?
You are in your own world
Why can't you let me in?

My whole world is you.
It's sad but it's entirely too true.
I cry when you're far and I beam when you're near.
My world must spin on; with or without you.
So hop on quick or miss me forever.

Grown Up

I think that in a way I have grown up.
Grown stronger, grown smarter, grown apart from you.
It only took one time for me to see
that I didn't need you every second of every day.
If you don't want what I do, I don't need you.
I've grown stronger
Holding my head up strong
When your shoulder's not there to lean it on.
I've grown smarter
Realizing all of this may not be right for me
But still keeping a tiny sliver of hope.
I've grown apart from you.
You're like a peice of my childhood
and I can take you with or leave you behind.
You decide. No! In fact, I'll decide!

Flipside...

One day I was miserable.
Fearing that I had lost you.
I saw you drifting away
Like a beautiful flower floating down the river
Beautiful, precious, and unattainable.
Or so it seemed...
But today, you seemed to pause,
look back at me and dare me to take a risk,
to dive deep into the waters of the unexpected,
the waters of the undescribable.
So here I go.
Into the Flipside

Wasting

I hope that it's not true.
But lately I can't help but think I've been wasting my time.
On you.
I have so many feelings
wasted on you.
I have no idea what you feel.
Or if you feel anything at all.
When is it too late?
When is my heart allowed to break free
from the chains you've wrapped around it?
When will I stop wasting my time?

Waiting

I am forever waiting for you.
Why do I do this to myself?
At first, waiting seemed like the only option.
The only way to let you know.
That I will always be here.
But everytime I wait,
I die a little inside.
Maybe now is the time to move on
To give you up for something real.
And if later you discover
what you could have had with me.
Then you can wait. For me

That Girl in the Mirror

That girl in the mirror is a friend I used to know.
Now when I look at her, I stare.
She is a stranger.
Sometimes I fear that I will never meet her.
I know that somewhere deep inside of her,
she knows that she is beautiful.
Deep, deep inside.

My mind fills with doubts and judgements.
She is not enough of anything.
She is a continuous work-in-progress.
That girl in the mirror stares back at me with cold eyes.
She is dying to escape from the hell that lies behind the glass.

One Day...He'll Think of Me

One day, he will wake up, see the sunshine and he'll think of me.
One day, he'll walk down the street and see a girl who looks like me.
He'll turn around and find it's a stranger. But he'll think of me.

One day, he'll hear that song and he'll think of me.
One day, he'll read the note I wrote pouring out my heart.
He'll close his eyes, and he'll think of me.

One day, that boy will tell me that he thinks of me.
One day he will realize what he needs is all that I am.
And on that day, I'll think of him.

When I meet a boy who runs and smiles. I'll think of him.
And when I hear that song run through my head. I'll think of him.
And when my heart pounds the way it does now. I'll think of him.

One day... come quick. I can't stop thinking about him.

And Nerves Keep Coming...

I got an email from my track coach today reminding everyone that we have three weeks left until the beginning of the season. I just burst into a frenzy of worry. Not only that I won't have enough time to train since I must pool/bike due to my stress fracture, but also because I just worry that I won't be ready. Running is so much different than pooling or biking. I'm afraid that I'll be either so behind that I won't be able to keep up and acheive my goals, or I will push myself too hard like I did in cross country. I need to calm down, I know, but this past season was so close to a dream come true that turned into a nightmare. I would never upon my worst enemy, not that I have one, to lose their true love. I will be excited to return, but it just won't be the same. This injury will forever be etched into my mind, a scar of my hurt. Without running, I think return to my bad eating habits, and with running I do the same. Where is the upside to this situation?

Monday Blues

Today as you can tell, is Monday. Worse than that, it is a full week of school. ew. Oh well, for a Monday, it went pretty fast. Last night I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. I am really confused, nervous, scared, excited, and happy all at the same time. So many thoughts! I think that I have a worrying problem that intensifies by like 20 at night! So i just lie there and toss and turn and think and worry. I'm not sure what to do with this one because there is just so much history and so many genuine feelings involved. I'm not just worried about my overdo library books here. Everything around is changing. Love is in the air, I swear. Everytime I turn around there is some new couple or some new pregnant girl at school. I want to go work out but it's snowing hard....Oh well, that never stops me anyway.
More Later,
♥MK

Deja Vu

All of yesterday was the retreat at my church. I had a good feeling about this day! I had a talk written which I was supposed to share with everyone. It was about how my self-image and eating problems took over this summer and also about how supportive my sister has been throughout my life. Last year at this retreat I realized that I really liked a boy that was there. Things didn't work out between us, but last night it seemed like deja vu. Now I don't know what will happen, but I'm glad to have him back :)
More later!

♥MK

A Gift From Above

I woke up this morning to a text from one of my best friends exclaiming in all capital letters "NO SCHOOL AGAIN!" I could not beleive it! Two snow/ice days in a row are as rare as a purple platypus walking down the street! This is a miracle and I will tell you why. 1) As previously stated this type of this is extremely rare 2) I have one more day to work on my English paper 3) Even if we have school tomorrow, we will have only had two days of school this week 4) I can clean my room and watch some Glee 5) I get to make some cookies :) Overall, I think that this is going to me a wonderful day!
I'll tell you all about it later
♥MK

All Smiles

Back again. Although the roads were slick this morning, I made it to the orthodontist and duh duh duh duh!... NO MORE BRACES! I am still in the phase where I think that my teeth are really big but overall I am much happier with this situation. I can't help but feel like this is a new start. I am nervous/excited for the retreat this weekend.

Cross Your Fingers & Toes

Today is supposed to be the best day of my life...well, ok that may be a bit of an overexaggeration, but hey, at the moment it seems extremely significant. This morning at 10:45 I am scheduled to get my braces off. Since I got the nasty little things on at the beginning of my sophmore year of high school, you can imagine my excitement in getting them off. It's about time!! So, what's the problem you ask? Why are you being asked to cross your fingers and toes? Well, this morning, shortly after 6:00 A.M. I got a text from one of my best friends that it we had..."NO SCHOOL!" Well, yes, that's nice and all, but of course I FREAKED OUT, worried that I may not be able to get my braces off today! But I will not allow this to happen without much hard work! Who or whatever is against me will pay for this! : ) Hopefully, all will go well. I didn't tell many people about this joyus day because I wanted it to be a suprise. AHHH I can not wait!
More Later, I think that I am about to pass out
♥MK